Steps To A Healthy Relationship’ By Dayo Olomu

What does a man and a woman want in a relationship? It is indeed different strokes for different people. I spoke to a number of men and women and this is the summary of what I came up with. Enjoy it. Happy Valentine.


A Strong Pleasant Personality: A man with a warm distinctive character attracts the attention of any woman looking for a soul mate. His good character determines how he treats himself, how he is going to treat you, and one day, your children.

Emotionally Open: A man who listens and puts your opinion into consideration. If he agrees with everything you say, watch out babe! If a man won’t say anything but ‘Yes’, you should say ‘No’, because, it’s impossible to have a relationship without conflict. Disagreements don’t destroy relationships; it’s failing to tackle them.  The little rows you never tackle just get stored away for the mega row that will finish you off.

Committed to Personal Growth: A man who is committed to learning new ideas either through books, tapes, lectures, seminars or counselling if necessary, in order to become a better partner and lover. He is not ignorant to the benefits derived from progressive learning and has personal goals for his own self-improvement.

Mature and Responsible: A man, who has reached a certain level of maturity. He may love you very much, but if he is not ready to be in a committed relationship, you will feel like you’ve adopted a child rather than found a lover. Being mature means he can take care of himself in all circumstances, he is responsible, he is respectful and he holds himself in high esteem.

Honest and Trustworthy: A man who can give you that tremendous sense of security, because of his truthfulness and honesty at all times. That pleasant feeling of knowing that you can count on your partner always eradicates doubts, resentment and the impossibility to relax in a relationship. The long term effect of loving someone you don’t really trust, are devastating to your self-esteem and ultimately your relationship.

Understanding: A man, who strives to have a good knowledge of you, appreciates you as a person, your attitude and points of view generally. He causes you to smile always, creating a loving and cosy atmosphere around you. He is not ignorant of your needs emotionally and physically. He understands your body language. He brings a smile on your lips every time.  After all, it only takes 14 muscles to smile, and 72 muscles to frown.

Positive Thinker: A man who is always optimistic. Relationships are much easier, when you are with a positive person, who has faith in God, and confidently and spiritually encourages you, particularly when life seems unfair. There is less blame; more co-operation, more love and you work through conflicts faster. Love is a positive force. It grows in an atmosphere of positivity and starves in a negative atmosphere hence, The Ever Decreasing Positive Adjective Syndrome suffered by partners whose merit decreases in proportion to the amount of time she has been with him.

Genuine Pleasure: If a man does not live up to your fantasy, a growing sense of disappointment and frustration is inevitable. He should bring that butterflyish feeling in the pit of your stomach. A woman wants a man, whose touch melts the innermost part of her either in or out of bed. Lovemaking should be the coming together of the mind and body.

Compatibility: A man who agrees and blends with you in many ways. You can both speak on any subject, no matter how painful, good or bad and never abandon each other’s feelings, believe in each other and just want to share your life with the person as long as you live. You have sincere responsibility towards each other. You grow and enjoy even more closeness as the relationship gets deeper and deeper. You never get bored with each other. You share a strong bond, which sees you through and help you overcome obstacles together. You are a peace of his flesh, hence, he holds you in high esteem always.


Caring Partner – A woman who has regard for him in every way. She is conscious of his needs and gives him the attention he desires, either through conversations, material needs or sexual response. She is sensitive to his past, present and future.

Understanding – A woman who knows him better than anybody else. She could translate even his body language and reason with him on an equal level of understanding. She could also relate to his family in an understanding and traditional way, putting aside the arrogant behaviour the modern day women extend towards their in-laws.

Confidence – A woman who trusts herself enough, to confidently represent or stand in place of her man when he is not available and his attention or decision is urgently required. He can rely on her to make an equally solid decision as he would himself. She is bold and she makes herself clear to anyone who cares to know.

Independent – A woman who is not a subject to him. She gives him breathing space. She can look after herself without leaning so much on him in every situation; she is in control of herself.

Self-Respect and discipline – A woman who has self-respect and self-discipline. She is not out to please anyone by putting up pretences. She is careful about how she carries herself, what she does and what she says. She is in total control of her own dignity.

Good Personality – A woman who brings sunshine into his life even on a cloudy day. Her smile lightens up his inner most being. She jokes, laughs and makes life seem very easy. She rarely nags him. Not the moody type, ever cheerful. She gets along easily with his friends and family. She knows how and when to pamper him.

Romantic – a woman, who can love him and teach him how to openly express love in and out of bed, she is not shy. She breathes femininity.  She will go the extra mile to discover new ways of spicing up their sex life. She has good appetite for sex. An Italian healer called De Paolin, who is a believer in sex for health, stated that: “Good sex releases nervous tension, warms the body and helps circulation.” A more intense organism also improves health, looks and serenity.

Excellent Cook – A woman who understands the adage “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”  She must be in control of her kitchen totally. Pretty good in serving him delicious basic meals he grew up with and frequently experiments with new dishes.

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